For that, I'm Grateful

As I write this, I'm currently lying on my couch with it very quiet in my house and reflecting on this past year. And oh what a year it's been! The year started out with the finalization of my divorce and possibly the toughest/darkest thing I've ever had to endure. In fact, I'm still feeling the effects of that whole situation and very well could for a long time. I'm not going to lie; 2008 was quite a tough year for me. It was a year of struggle, humility, change, and fortitude. I look back and see that there were many times that I didn't want to go on, but God gave me the strength to somehow continue. It was a year of realizing that God is truly real and He didn't allow me anything more than I could bear - therefore, I'm grateful. I have to say as tough as things have been this past year, I'm still a very blessed man. I'm thankful for many things past and I'm certainly thankful for my future, my potential, and who I will be through the Lord's merciful refinement of my character. God has been graceful and gentle in His approach to me and my life circumstances. He's revealed Himself through many things and people. For that, I'm also humbled and grateful. Some of the few things that I'm grateful for are:

- My wonderful children - My kids have been THE source of strength, encouragement, and drive to help me get through my "darkness" period. They've been so amazing in how God has used them to speak to me in so many different ways. I've experienced the grace of forgiveness from above through my wonderful girls. Throughout this whole situation and the past year, they still seem to think I'm wonderful and cool. That, in and of itself, is holy forgiveness and a gift that will keep me going for a long time to come.

- My brother Troy - What more could I say about him. This guy is the one guy that refuses to let me go and is there no matter what! No matter the circumstances, he is the guy that has stood by me through everything unconditionally. And throughout everything he has told me that he will love me. THAT is godliness and a reflection of the love of Christ. I don't know that I could or would be that way, but he (over almost everyone else) has shown me the loving realness of our Lord. For that, I'm eternally grateful.

- My parents - I'm so grateful that I have parents that have shown me and raised me in a Christ-centered environment. The older I get, the more I realize how valuable that is. They have planted a seed in me that continues to grow within me in wanting to be closer to Him, be more selfless, and become more giving and understanding. They have instilled in me right and wrong, yet even when I make drastically wrong, unhealthy, and bad choices, they continue to forgive as Christ forgives. Again, something I'm not sure I could do on a regular basis. For that too, I'm eternally grateful.

Lastly, I'm grateful for many other things in my life. Too many to name, but I know that God has special things in store for me in the coming years. I am sure of that. He has allowed me to cross paths with my now good friend Jay Hall. The Lord has shown me that there are good godly people here and ones that are honest, have integrity, and are truly interested and concerned in people and their innate goodness. Jay is one of these men. He has decided to do life with me and I him in return. He's a wonderful Godly man and has helped me physically in so many unexplainable ways - and the funny thing is, I'm not the only one. The Lord has a special place in Heaven for this man. I'm convinced of it and I find myself being drawn to him and just wanting to be around him in order to make myself a better person. For that, I'm forever grateful.

In all, I'm looking forward to 2009 and not looking or dwelling on the past. It's time to move! It's time to change, and I mean change for the better. God is still working on me and that means I have His attention. . . for some reason. And for that. . . . I'm eternally and lovingly grateful!

Late Night, Early Morning

It's currently 9:46 a.m. as I write this. Not necessarily early by my "normal" standards, but early for me in this particular situation. It's sunny outside. Not too cold, and overall just nice. Reflecting on the events of last evening, God is good. Here's why:

Last night, I was watching a movie at home and decided to hit the sack afterward. Just as I was getting settled in, I get a text from a long time friend that I used to work with and write with extensively in the studio. His name is Michael Ripoll (click to see his website) and he now lives in Los Angeles and is the musical director for Kenny "Babyface" Edmonds - yes, THE Babyface. Michael is an extremely uber talented guitarist and artist that has moved out west and become quite successful in his work both on the road as a musician and in the studio as a song writer. He's currently in town to take care of some business and do some writing and after flying in, decided to call me first to see what I was doing.

He texted me at 11:00 seeming like he needed to talk, so I told him to come over to the house. By the time he arrived, it was midnight. We stayed up talking till 3:30 a.m! Come to find out, Mike (as he allows me to call him) is going through some personal struggles and needed some outside guidance and insight. So he comes to me??? I figured that I'd be the last person anyone would come to to try and get some wisdom and get things straight. However, he did and we had a wonderful time talking through some things that we've both struggled with in the past. The wonderful thing in all of this however, is the fact that the Lord allowed me to share some things about His grace and mercy that I've experienced that I believe really spoke to Michael. Without really being able to describe it, it was one of those God moments where He was actually there with us. It was us being real. Us being vulnerable. And us sharing our hearts and God was in the place with us. We could feel it. In fact, we talked about it. It was a special time for me and the funny thing is; I feel the Lord spoke more to me than He did to Michael through me!

I just want to be used for Him, give of myself, and be available. That's been my prayer and last night was a time that God answered a prayer and showed me a glimpse of better days ahead. God is good - all the time!

Now if I could just get some sleep. Training comes later!

Easy Like Monday Morning

I'm on day three with no television because honestly I haven't paid my cable bill and it's not high on my survival priority list. Being without it has actually been a bit liberating as well. I'm doing a lot more contemplating, reading, praying, watching movies, and working out. I've found that the TV only takes up time that could be better spent doing more productive things. I'll say this; it makes for a much more quiet place around here, that's for sure.

I found out that the girls won't get home until after the new year so that means I'll be alone bringing in '09 - unless I find something to do (which is entirely possible). I'm sad about that because we had planned to do what we did last year in bringing in the new year at the movie theater. However, that obviously won't be happening so I have to make the best of my time. Oh well, there's always next year.

Today was a beautiful day outside but a little on the cold side at 55 degrees. Definitely too cold to go for a ride (at least for me). So I decided to punch out a 4 mile run in the sunshine. I felt good. No calf pain. And I took it easy and didn't push too much. I'm determined to get this running as strong as my swim and bike so I can win my age groups. That, to me, is an achievable goal - especially with my athletic background and fitness level. It'll happen. Maybe not this year yet, but it'll happen. Trust me.

Now for Troy. I just received a text stating that he's ready to start all over. He's said he's gained some weight back and is ready to start the fight again. That's good news to me! In my opinion, it's never too late to start so I'll be right there with him to push him. He's also ready to go on a hiking and camping trip so we're going to sit down and talk about when we can make that happen as well. That'll be fun and we'll keep you informed.

This is the verse that I heard yesterday during church that really lifted my spirits and gave me hope:

For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.
2 Corinthians 8:9

I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and here's to a prosperous New Year.

Descending Into Greatness

Today is not about training, working out, physical fitness, or any of that sort. Although later today, I do plan to get a light spin in. Today is about contemplation. You see, it's very quiet around here. I've decided to give up my television for a good while since all it seems to do is take up needless time when I could be focused on other things. Therefore, the only things to do around here is to listen to music, workout, read, and think - and I say that from a positive perspective. The thing is, I feel God is continuing to strip me of myself. Again, I look at this as a positive and not a negative.

Case in point: I woke up late for church this morning for some unknown reason and because I really have had a longing to be in church and hear the word, I promptly jumped on the computer and logged in to listen to the sermon live. Anticipating our Pastor Steve Berger's sermon, I realized that there was going to be a guest speaker. I was a bit bummed to say the least because I love hearing our pastor speak. At any rate, I stayed tuned in and before I could realize, I was completely enthralled with the message because I felt it was directed at me. The message was about descending into greatness as Jesus did while he was on this earth. It was very convicting and contradictory to what our society teaches. It was exactly what I needed to hear after this past weekend. Some of the things that stuck out to me were:

- Take what you've been given and do something with it that lightens someone else's load, and brightens someone else's life.

- The only way to keep what you have is to give it away. The only way to gain wisdom is to give it away.

- Christianity is the only major religion which has as its central event the humiliation of its God.
Bruce Shelly

All of this hit a bit too close to home and really spoke to me in a major way. Thank you Lord for the healthy conviction.

This message can be heard here via audio or video.

Saturday Easy Run

Today's temperature is supposed to get as high as 70 degrees! However, tomorrow there's a cold front moving back in so I wanted to make sure that I got in a nice easy run workout while the temperature wasn't God-forsaken cold! I decided to do another 4 mile run and ran the course in the opposite direction than what I normally run just to make things interesting and mix things up a bit. I deliberately ran at a slower and easier pace than I did yesterday because I have the tendency to go a bit too hard and my mind wants to do things that my body is not ready for. Therefore I had to mentally prepare myself to go easy so I wouldn't feel the after-effects in subsequent days. I am having to continuously tell myself to ease back into getting your running legs back - even though I mentally want to go out hard every time. This, I know, is to alleviate future injuries and unnecessary tax on the body. Believe me, I'm learning. Plus, I have plenty of time to get everything back into even better shape than I was last tri season. I know my areas of weakness now and I know where I can improve and get even better. It'll happen. This is a marathon, not a sprint!

I have no idea where Troy is in all of this process. He seems content to be where he is with his fitness, training, and current situation of having a baby on the way. I'm not pressing him and he knows that I'm still out there training and trying to get it done. He'll be back I'm hoping. Especially when cycling season rolls back around. I feel like he is too into that to just let it go by the wayside.

Frustration Has Set In!

Yes, frustration has set in and I'm just in a bad place for a number of reasons. This Christmas has managed to be a truly crappy one for a number of personal reasons. Despite how much I try and make the best out of a situation, my faith and patience continue to be tested and it's really wearing on me. Must be a sign from the Lord for me to slow down and focus more on Him.

I'm going to stop right there before I go into more details. It's just not necessary.

The run today was good. A bit slow, but needed nonetheless. It was a great stress reliever and the weather was actually pretty good. The humidity was high which probably accounted for the slowness, but it was good to be out there and working on getting my running legs.

Indoor Cycling

Today I went to a movie with Troy since today was slow and and due to the fact that it's Christmas Eve, there was nothing going on. We saw the movie "Yes Man" and we certainly enjoyed the humorous escape. Afterward, I came home and ended up doing nothing which resulted in some serious boredom. Because of this, I decided to get in an indoor base workout. Not exactly what I call an exciting training session, but at least I did do something. I also got to fit in some plyometric drills and core work and called it a day. The rest of the day was spent watching movies in front of the television. Quite an exciting Christmas Eve!

Merry Christmas to all.

Tis the Season

Yesterday was a regular work Monday for most of the business world. However, my Monday was spent at the office of the company that has so welcomed me as one of their own. In this day and time, I feel so blessed to be a part of something that's thriving and I get to do things that I know I'm good at and have done over the many years past. Maxx Tech is the company that I work for and I've been brought in to be an A&R type guy of sorts. For those that don't know what an A&R guy is, it's basically a relationships person that keeps good relations between the company and creative types. That's my job - to foster good working relationships with people outside that we work with along with gathering and creating content. I love what I do and I especially love who I work with. Do I make enough money yet? No. But that's coming in due time and I'm honestly trusting the Lord in that department - truly. I feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be both physically and spiritually and I'm happy about that.

It just so happens that Troy is looking like he will be landing here as well after being laid off from his job situation. That would be amazing for me and for the company. Jay, our boss, has so lovingly taken us in and accepted us as family and he's setting up his company in a very powerful way. Troy and I both are fortunate enough to see this from behind the curtain. It's exciting and I'm glad to be a part of the team and it's future. I'm even more glad that it's looking like Troy is going to be on that team as well. I guess I couldn't ask for a better scenerio.

Training has been waining of late due to the weather and hectic hustle-bustle of the season. I'm anxious to get back into a serious training routine, but not until I catch up on the rest that I'm afforded during the days off. I'm enjoying this time of "slow-down". However, I'm ready to kick it into a whole other gear starting in January.

For to us a child is born,

to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

- Isaiah 9:6

Very appropriate and encouraging for this time and season.

A Warm Friday

Today was a tough running day due to the wind. However, I'm grateful that I was even able to run at all. This Tennessee weather is absolutely crazy! This morning was rainy and cold and later today at lunch time, it's mid 60's! That's when I decided to hurry up, get my running gear on, and knock out a lunch time run. I'm definitely not in running shape. . . yet. But I will be, and I'm anxious to get back to the regular training routine with good weather.

My run time was a 34:39 over 4 miles. Definitely room for improvement!

This past week has been a refining process for me. I've been learning to TRULY have faith in the Lord and cast my cares to Him and know that He will provide for my every need. In my gross and selfish humanity, that's a hard concept to grasp. However, I'm getting there and the Lord is showing me new things daily.

This was a verse I came across this week in my daily devotion. Another small confirmation that the Lord has me in His loving hands.

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
Psalms 55:22

Another Gloomy December Day

Today I'm taking as a rest day. Too much to do and the weather sucks! I'm starting to figure that the month of December is just not meant for training and working out. Oh well.

Draw Me Close

It was a quiet, cold, and dreary morning. Obviously, not the type of weather to be getting outside to train in. Therefore, I decided to get in an hour spin on the incumbent bike. Not exactly my idea of exciting training. At any rate, I kept things quiet and low-key. No tv, no training partner, no kids. Just me, my bike, and some music through my headphones to do some escaping. Once again, I found my self drifting to that spiritual zone. The one where God makes himself one step short of visible. I've come to realize this is a very real and cherished thing for me. It's my one-on-one time with my Lord. It's my prayer closet per se'.

With all that's going on in my life, the lives around me, and our society in general, it's easy to get caught up in the problems of self. The Lord spoke to me again about being more giving to other, more selfless, and more aware of others' concerns. This is where I want to go and be. So, as I'm listening to my worship music while I'm spinning and pouring sweat, the Lord (once again) speaks to me through a song that comes on. This was my message:

Draw Me Close
Draw me close to you never let me go
I lay it all down again to hear you say that I'm your friend
You are my desire no one else will do
'cause no one else can take your place
To feel the warmth of your embrace
Help me find the way bring me back to you

Chorus:
You're all I want, you're all I've ever needed
You're all I want help me know you are near

I feel that this is all that God asks and longs for from us. Continuous and personal fellowship with Him. I'm so grotesquely human and I have such a long way to go!

Today Was An Odd Day

Yes, that's right - today WAS an odd day. It all started out normal enough with an early wake up to get the girls to swim practice. I also got in a 43 minute intense swim workout and I felt good about getting it done. I'm so ready for the weather to start warming again (as it we're currently in an ice storm here in Nashville). Anyway, after the workout and some working in the studio, I received some troubling news from Troy that I would covet the prayers of all who may read and see this post. Troy is struggling and I seem to be taking it quite a bit tougher than even he is. I feel that I can endure the hits that life seems to dish out, but it's a different thing when it effects someone that I love so dearly that seems so undeserving of some unfortunate news. Be that as it may, that is what we like to call life. Life isn't always easy and in fact, we're not even promised tomorrow. So I have to concentrate on living for today and having ultimate faith in my Lord and Savior to provide for all my earthly needs. He's watching over me. He's also watching over the ones I love so dearly. This I know.

This is the verse I always pull up in my mind when things get tough. It seems to help me and give me hope. I know that I need to put my faith and trust in the one who provides my daily life and strength.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philipians 4:13

Cold Weather Saturday

As I sit here and write this blog, I'm simultaneously watching the Triathlon Ironman Championships in Hawaii. It's unbelievable! Some amazing stories of perseverence and courage. It certainly makes me feel thankful for the many blessings that I have rather than focusing on my many trials. Watching this makes me want to train harder because of seeing some of these athletes and the adversity that they have to overcome. It's amazing the stories! It's life changing. It's spiritual. And it's a taxing process that you put your body through to see what its limits are. To me, it's a mirror to life and what the Lord allows us to endure in order to sharpen us and make us stronger. That's the thing I love about training and competing in triathlons and that's what continues to help me get through this rough period in my life. Even in the struggles, I thank God that He has a much bigger plan and knows the outcome to my life. He's not finished with me yet and I want to be ready.

Fun Fridays!

I'm freakin' sick of this cold weather crap! I'm so ready to get out and run and bike! I feel like a caged animal trying to break away. It's so arduous to sit on the incumbent bike for a whole hour and not go anywhere. Granted, I can watch tv while I'm spinning, but it's not the same thing to be able to be outside riding the back roads and see the scenery change. Same goes for the running. I never thought I'd miss it, but I guess I've reached that point.

It has been snowing, extremely cold, and certainly not conducive to training out doors. I'm sick of it! I'm ready to live in an all-season area of the country but that's not realistic. So with that in mind, I have to make the best of my situation and keep myself in some assemblence of good shape or I'll be suffering come late March for the Natchez Tri.

I have no idea if Troy is still going to be a part of the reigndeer games, so I continue to trudge along on my own and try to stay self motivated - which is the toughest part. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully, I'll be able to get in a nice long run. We shall see.

Natchez Trace Sprint Tri

If you've been looking in at the blog, you may have noticed that the upper right corner counter of the blog page shows the counter for an event that I think Troy and I are targeting (Natchez Trace Sprint Tri). Well, at least I'm targeting it. I still don't really know if Troy is in or not. Troy is in a huge slump and may not feel like training or targeting any races. I on the other hand, have this race clearly in my sights and the only hinderence for me will be financial. As you can see by the banner, the race is a sprint tri and is scheduled for late May. This upcoming season I will be training hard for some Olympic and maybe some 70.3 distances, so this race at the beginning of the season will be a nice precursor to some longer distances.

I'm looking forward to the up coming racing season as it'll be my first full one. I'm extremely ready for the cold weather to pass so I can get back outside. I'm feeling the cabin fever at the moment and I hate training inside now that I've gotten a taste of the out door training. I'm having to force myself to workout in the weight room inside. I'd rather just leave that for pushing the weights instead of the overall workout. Oh well, I've got to remain patient. The good weather will be here soon enough.

Psalm 118:14 The Lord is my strength and my song; He has given me victory.

This verse, I find, gives me strength and hope for tomorrow.

Webisode #3 - Goin' Home

As I write this, it's currently 5:45 a.m. and I'm in the process of getting Soul P. out the door and to the airport after a very productive and good time having him here. He's certainly got a gift for what he does and he does it well. I'm glad we had him come in work on some music with Zach and I to liven up the project that we're putting together in order to pitch to corporate and commercial music.

It's been great having him and catching back up with him since we haven't seen each other in almost 2 years. However, I must admit that I'm ready to get back into my regular workout routine because I'm feeling vastly neglected on the physical and training side. It's time for me to get back in the pool, on the bike, and hitting the road because I need that time with the Lord. He's calling!

Webisode #2 - Soul P.

Night number two of having Soul P. and Zach in the studio. Man, we're coming out with some really hot stuff! Check him out on his myspace page. We're still trying to make some hits and pitch the stuff to film, television, publishing companies, gaming companies, etc. We'll see what happens and I'll keep you posted.

Meanwhile, I'm waiting to get Soul back out of here so I can get back to my regular training routine. From my training scheduled routine, it's been frustrating but I love having my good friend Soul here. We really connect on a lot of levels personally and spiritually and I've loved watching how Zach fits right in. There's something special about this combination that's beyond words and it'll be interesting to see what happens down the road.

At some point, I'll post some excerpts of some of the music that we've been working on. Personally, I dig it because of it's energy.

Tomorrow is back to the training grind! I'm ready! Keep you posted.

Soul P. in the Lab

No training going on, but here's what's happening in the lab - which is my work-world. This is what's going on all week. More updates to come.

Sweating It Out

Have been sick and trying to fight it with real oranges, water, and Gatorade. Shelby is sick as well, yet we both went to her Meet of Champs swim meet so she could swim and I had to work. Bad mistake! It only made things worse for the both of us! I feel so bad for her. She seems to have gotten the worse end of the stick.  As for me, I'm struggling with the achiness and fever but nothing compared to little Shelb. I still didn't learn my lesson. I figured I'd try and sweat out some of the toxins by getting in a 60 minute stationary ride. Again, bad mistake! Guess I'm just going to call it a night and try and sleep all this crap off. Not much else to report.

Convicting verse that I just read. Jeremiah 29:11-15

The above Picture is of my sweet little Shelby swimming the 400 IM. She didn't do as well as she normally does. She was really struggling from being sick and feeling weak.

Indoor Cycling

Today was a rather hectic day. I woke up with the twins this morning to take them to school instead of the standard 4:30 a.m. start for swim practice. They had to stay up late to finish a school project. After taking them to school, I immediately had to go back to the house to do a thorough cleaning for a showing at 10:00 a.m. I can only pray and hope! Anyway, in a nutshell, I didn't get to get in a workout. Our training schedule called for a 40 minute spin with some standard weight training. As you can see, I got in the spinning at home around 7:00 p.m. and it was a pretty good workout. I also got some sit ups and push ups to go along with.

Troy has still yet to get started on our program and I'm feeling that he's rather stressed over work, life in general, and the fact that he has another one on the way in about 9 months! Right now is the perfect time for him to be digging in physically in order to relieve that stress that'll build up and get an unhealthy hold of him. I'm a bit worried about him but don't want to press any issue at this point. He'll get it going and he'll realize it's a much better coping mechanism.

Hang in there T!

Suffering

Today was a day of suffering . . . in a good way. There's a certain attraction to the physical suffering that goes in to training. I think that my body subconsciously knows that it's suffering in order to get better and stronger. I believe that our bodies innately understand this concept better than our minds do. At least that seems to be the case with me. My life, at the moment, is very much a mirror of this concept. I'm suffering in many areas, and even though I know that I'll be okay and stronger in the end, it's hard for me to grasp this concept mentally. When you suffer, you feel alone. You feel like you're on an island. Alone. But that's not the case. That's the devil trying to make you believe that you're by yourself. But there's strength in community and knowing that there's always someone that's in a worse place than you. Suffering is interesting, and even more interesting is how God uses it to bring us closer and more aware of Him.

One of my favorite verses that alludes to suffering is Ephesians 6:12
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

This is obviously much more powerful than the obvious struggle and suffering that training brings to the physical. If we can endure the spiritual and mental aspects of this, the physical aspect should be a piece of cake!