Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
Monday, November 29, 2010
It's officially the holiday season! The commercials all scream of shopping and Christmas cheer, the music that's heard is normally some type of Christmas music, and there's a certain seeming change of attitude in people. People seem to be more joyful, more giving, even more philanthropic. I too would get caught up in all of the seasonal changes and cheer. However, just under 3 years ago, I found myself in the middle of a horrific divorce. The Christmas season, for me, has sadly taken on a whole different meaning and feel. I try to get into the spirit of the season. I try to have the holiday cheer. And I try to be the jolly 'ol TC. But the fact remains, I no longer have my children for Christmas. I no longer have my family and the traditions that we made. I no longer have that Christmas spirit.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
September 22, 2010
At 4:30 am this morning, I got word from my brother that you passed away and went on to be with Jesus and leave your pain and illness behind. I just wanted to write to you this one last time to tell you how sorry I am for my past selfishness and pride in our somewhat distant relationship as I grew from a boy to a man. We had different views on things. You showed favoritism at times and you were tough on me occasionally. However, it wasn't until I went through my divorce that you became the Grandma that I hadn't previously experienced. You loved me, you loved your great grandchildren, and you even continued to love Ashley. Thank you for being a model of selflessness and understanding to an otherwise selfish and tormented guy. You seemed to understand my plight without even having to verbally dig deep. You just knew through your own experiences and wisdom. You selflessly helped me financially through my divorce process and never batted an eye - even when I wasn't able to see you face to face to say thank you.
Grandma, I was never able to say the things that I felt inside to you, but I want you to know that you were a huge influence in my life. You passed things down to me that I still use to this day and for that I thank you.
After getting word this morning and doing the round of calls while walking up and down Wilshire Blvd. in Los Angeles, I came back to my room in the Wilshire Hotel on the 9th floor and it was quiet and peaceful - reflective in fact. I opened the drapes to the windows and let in the overcast and dreary day. All that I could hear was the noise of the cars on the street below. But then it happened. I gentle peaceful message from the Lord to sooth my sorrowful soul. At that moment, a street musician playing a trumpet started warming up. After a short time of warm-up, he began to play the song "Amazing Grace". It (and a new special friend) made me think of the lyrics to the song that go, "Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail, and mortal life shall cease, I shall possess within the veil, a life of joy and peace." Was that a message from you to me as you were on your way to meet Jesus? Was that the Lord speaking directly to me? Whatever the case, I got the message loud and clear! It proved to be a pivotal, emotional, and releasing moment for me. Thank you for the timely and peaceful message. I'll now not be able to hear that great traditional hymn without thinking of this moment and of you. Oh the greatness of our Lord and Savior!
Thank you for your life and what it meant to so many. Thank you for all of the things that you passed down through my mother that will live on through me! I love you very much and I regret not telling you that enough. Please forgive me. Until I see you again soon in the great by and by, you will be greatly missed.
Your first grandson, Todd
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Once again, it's been quite a while since I've waxed a bit of poetic here on the blog. It's about midnight and I currently find myself in the middle of a whirlwind travel schedule that takes me all over the country and to Haiti. I've been laying in bed and I feel frustrated as tonight is another one of those "hard to sleep" nights. I can't seem to get all of the things going on in my head to take a break for a while. In the end, I guess this is a good thing as I can remember a day when I had nothing from losing everything. I prayed that God would allow me to find something I enjoyed and could excel at and He gave it to me. As a result, I find myself alone in a hotel room in Orlando, FL in the middle of a massive travel schedule. The Lord works in mysterious ways - especially in my life.
It's times like these that make me wonder what the Lord has in store for me down the road. What lies around the next corner? What's beyond the horizon? Where will my girls go to college? What's in store for me and my career? Will there be another woman in my life? Will I be content to be a single father for the rest of my days? These are questions that I find myself asking the Lord in the quietness of my thoughts in the middle of sleepless nights.
For now, I'm content with where He has me and what He continues to do in my life and the people that He brings in and out of it. I'm grateful to Him. I'm humbled from being humbled. And I'm anxious in His timing, yet I know His timing is perfect. It always has been with me. I'm happy with where He's allowed me to come and grow in my spiritual walk. The people He has allowed me to align with have been, in my eyes, specifically chosen by the Lord for my growth and healing. For that, I'm grateful.
So in essence as I write this to myself, I guess I'm thankful for the sleepless nights and moments of contemplation to be able to slow down and be still and just think. Maybe I shouldn't be so frustrated after all (except for with the couple next door)!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
It's Thursday and today is the fourth day of my new position at Food for the Hungry as their newest Artist Rep. So far, it's been a whirlwind of conference calls and instant messaging with the corporate office, getting acclimated to the business protocol, setting up my office space, etc. Everyone I've talked to has been unbelievable and the common thread that I've noticed is that everyone seems to be genuinely in love with what they do and the cause it stands for. These are some incredibly and truly compassionate people! I'm anxious to continue to learn from them and glean as much knowledge as possible. I have a ton on my plate and am looking forward to getting in the trenches with my colleagues.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
It amazes me how, when you live righteously and upright, God will bless that. He promises that in His word. I guess I've never truly grasped that concept in my heart. I've always heard it and had the head knowledge, but it's never really taken hold in my heart. . . until now, that is.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
I wanted to take this time to say thank you to all of my family and close friends that have helped me, fed me, encouraged me, and most importantly prayed for me through my tough time of transition in searching for a job. The Lord has blessed me with a dream job that I can't be more excited about! I feel as if there's a whole new start awaiting me.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
First of all, let me start by saying God is good. In the past 2 years, the Lord has taught me a lot about waiting on Him and His timing. This is a huge lesson for me that I continue to grow in because I've always been this competitive type to want to take things in my own hands and fix them or work things out on my terms and timing. When you feel in control enough to "win the game" or directly effect the outcome of a certain circumstance, it's hard to change that mentality into one of humility and complete faith in the Lord. I've had the opportunity of learning this valuable lesson the hard way because I'm a hard-head! It took the Lord hitting me over the head with life to realize that I'm really not that in control and that put together. He's finally got me exactly where He wants me. I'm finally to a place of full submission and readiness for what He has in store and it's taken me all this time to get there. For that Lord, I'm sorry. It's been a long journey and yet still a long way to go. However, I'm in a good place right now and truly ready for God's will to finally take hold.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Today is (obviously) February 19th. It's a special day because 17 years ago today, my then wife gave birth to our twin girls Shelby and Taylor. Today is a bitter sweet day for me. It's sweet in the fact that I love my girls more than anything and I have a truly special relationship with them that I'm blessed with. It's so undeserving yet I'm grateful for God's amazing grace. It's bitter because I no longer get to see my angels on a daily basis. I've been divorced for more than two years now and my former wife and all three of my children moved away to another state. I only get to see my kids sporadically and I so desperately hurt when I'm not with them and getting to see them grow up and develop in to wonderful Godly women. It's bitter because I don't get to be with them on this special day. And it's bitter because I still harbor quite a bit of guilt in playing a major role in the drastic change in their lives. I don't know that I'll ever truly get over that. In many ways, it motivates me to be a better man and father. It causes me to continue to grow in a way that I never want to be the person I was.
There's so much that I want for my little girls that are growing up so quickly. There's so much that still have to say and teach to them. There's so much life that I need to live with them! There's still a lot left for me and so much room for improvement. They are my motivation. They are the reason for who (and who's) I am. They are my life and my loves!
Happy birthday girls! You are truly a gift on loan to your Mommy and I from the Lord above. I hope this birthday is a wonderful one because your next one will be the best one ever! Daddy promises!