Snowed In!

Enjoying some family time with my brother's family and my Dad in whom rarely visits Tennessee. It just so happens that we're severely snowed in which forces us to visit with each other. Great and relaxing family time.

The picture is of my Dad and nephew (Troy's son, and the only Collins boy in our family) Corban Collins. The other picture is 6-7 unheard inches of snow on the ground in Franklin, TN. Our area is literally shut down!

Earthly Fulfillment

Will Jesus fulfill us here on earth? from All Things Converge Podcast on Vimeo.

An amazing, insightful, yet simplistic view of the Christian life and our earthly fulfillment coming from Donald Miller. This guy never ceases to amaze me with the depth of his views yet he makes them so easy to understand. I hope you agree.

This video lasts for a bit more than 5 minutes but well worth the viewing.

Doing Things His Way

Isaiah 55:9 states, "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts."

This was my morning devotion and it really hit me hard! It talked about every person having a dream. Something that they're believing for and like I mention yesterday, many times those things don't pan out just how you envision them. I know for me, I've spent many sleepless nights trying to figure out what to do next, where I can go, what's on the horizon, how I can re-invent myself. That's putting God in a box by me limiting what He can do for me and through me if I just put my faith in Him. That's an easy thing to say and a really tough thing to put into practice when you're thrust into "survival mode." I guess that's where the Lord wants me to be. Completely and totally dependent on Him for survival. Well, guess what - I'm there!

However, throughout my three year process of being separated and divorced, I've continuously prayed for wisdom and peace. My parents used to tell me, "Be careful what you pray for. You just may get it." As far as the wisdom part, I'm not real sure I'm on that train. But I HAVE been given a certain peace throughout this whole process - especially in the events of the last two months. God has been seriously stirring in the depths of my soul. I have this feeling deep down that He has something out there that's just around the corner. Something that is significant to my skill sets and something in which I can be a contributor and giver rather than the taker that I had been for so many years. As I've stated, I don't know what that is but I have a peace about it. I'm in HIS care and I know it. I have a long way to go but the Lord is guiding me there this time. I'm not blindly driving on my own like I once was. Never again! This time I will - "Preach the gospel at all times and when necessary use words."

Now off to meetings and training! I hate this cold weather! Please hurry back Spring!

Mid-Life Crisis?

During a 47 minute hammerfest that included 4 minutes of Tabata Intervals on a stationary bike, I started thinking - deeply thinking (which I often do during these times of suffering). I thought; here I sit in a gym full of middle-aged to elderly women and men and I realized that I'm now one of them! When did I transition and cross over into being a middle-aged guy trying to hang on to good health? What happened to the twenty-something kid that used to play college basketball and not have a care in the world? I don't remember my mind ever transitioning into middle-agedom, but my body certainly has! In fact, I still think of myself as being in my late twenty's - probably to a fault.

That got me thinking even more. Here I sit on a stationary bike at 9:00 am on a Tuesday - sweating, jobless, sleeping on a friend's couch, children in another state, wondering and praying about what's around the corner. I realized that this is not what I had planned for my life at 43 years old! This was not the blueprint I had laid out to follow. My focus had gone from being a professional in an industry that I loved and grew up with, to figuring out how to survive and re-invent myself - at age 43! This was not the plan I had sketched out! Then it dawned on me! I'm not alone in this! Maybe this is the epitome of what people refer to as a mid-life crisis. Maybe that's the very definition! Could it be that millions of men have these goals and plans in the backs of their mind and it inevitably never quite comes to fruition the way they planned it? That's certainly me. Perhaps I've found the key to what a midlife crisis is! Self realization that life throws you pitches that you just can't hit. Maybe once we've realized this and accepted it for what it is, we can move on and truly fall into what it is that we are. Not necessarily a re-invention at middle life, but a divine intervention in succumbing to what we are truly meant to be!

Psalm 138

Donald's Outlook

About a week or so ago, I found this excerpt on Christianity and spirituality on Donald Miller's blog. He's a really nice guy and just so happens to be my favorite author by penning my favorite book I've ever read - Blue Like Jazz. I identify with his outlook on life, relationships, and most importantly, Christianity. He's a very intellectual guy. Far more intellectual than I'll ever be. Therefore, when I read this excerpt on the heels of the Pat Robertson incident about Haiti, I greatly connected with his point of view - thereby solidifying even more my common outlook on things that I share with him.

I really enjoy his take on life, love, relationships, spirituality, sports, etc. He doesn't take himself seriously, AND he's an avid cyclist. Therefore, he can't be too bad!

Here's his excerpt:

This is from the comments made from Pat Robertson about the earthquake in Haiti.

• I’ve found that the more I trust in Christ’s redemption to be sufficient, the less overtly religious I am. And, quite honestly, the more suspect overtly religious people become to me. When I’m with somebody who talks zealously about faith, about Jesus, about the Bible, after a while, I find myself wondering whether or not their faith is strong at all. For instance, if I were with somebody who kept talking about how much they loved their wife, going on loudly and profusely, intuitively I would wonder whether or not they were struggling in their marriage. I would wonder whether they were trying to convince me they loved their wife, or if they were trying to convince themselves. (Now that I think of it, though, some of my favorite people talk about how much they love their wives, but these are less public proclamations and more sighs of appreciation.) Faith in Christ, for me, is similar. It’s intimate. I’m more comfortable giving quiet prayers, intimate prayers. Often alone, in fact. I speak of faith the way I speak of personal matters. Of course there is a time for proclamations, but that’s the key, isn’t it? There’s a time. Anyway, I love that the New Testament is mostly intimate letters written to small groups of people who met in homes. I like the quiet authenticity of our faith. Robertson’s loudness and shock-jock verbiage seems strange and oddly uncompassionate. It felt like he was trying to tell us how tough he was, not how compassionate God is.

Making Progress

So, it's been quite a while since I last posted here at Compete Life. Almost 7 months to be exact. Many things have transpired. Much time has passed. Perspectives have evolved. Since the passing of Brandon Klein, I discovered a lot about myself. I've realized that I am greatly flawed. I am selfish. I am stubborn. I am resilient. And I am a survivor. You see, in an effort to stay as transparent as one can on a blog, I've gone from living in a beautiful 3800 sq. ft. home to living on a great friend's (@ksparq08 for all you Twitter fans) couch. Over the past two years, I've gotten a huge slice of humble pie. And believe me, even though it doesn't taste good, it's extremely healthy! I was once a highly sought after producer in the Christian music market. Now I am completely unemployed and praying for God's guidance in how I will meet my monthly responsibilities on the horizon.That's quite a drastic and humbling change, both financially and emotionally, but the valuable lesson that I've been learning is how to truly rely on the Lord's guidance in the smallest of areas. That's something that never occurred to me as little as 4-5 years ago. I was selfish and self-absorbed!
As some of you know that have visited this blog in the past, I decided to take up the sport of triathlon and chronicle my exploits in training and competing. Little did I know that the training aspect of this activity would become so important and vital to my development both physically and, more importantly, spiritually. You see, being out alone on the streets or in the water, has become my prayer closet. It's the place that the Lord speaks to me the loudest and most clearly. And it's in this time that I can truly converse back to him audibly. It's my time with Him. It's OUR time together to sort through my "things."

In one of my recent daily devotions it said, "Anytime you try to make progress, there WILL be opposition. But with God on your side, you can stand your ground." With that being said, this past week was one of serious opposition. Satan knew exactly where to poke, prod, and test me. I cut ties with a very close friend of almost a decade because our relationship had become more adverse than friendly, one of my best friend's child was diagnosed with Muscular Dystrophy, I lost my job, and I have to go back to court for family reasons. It's been quite a week with a ton of painful build-up! That may be one of the reasons why I'm chronicling this - because it's a much needed outlet to get this stuff off of my chest and somehow make sense of all that's rumbling around in my head. That takes me back to my devotion. This has been my opposition and yet I'm choosing to stand my ground. Because unlike times before, I now more than ever know that God is on my side standing right behind me to support me and to remind me that He knows what the final outcome is and He knows who it benefits. I find peace and comfort in that.

Will this be a blog that keeps record of some forty-something year old man trying to stay in shape for some cheesy races? NO! Will it be an every day account of what's going on in my life? Absolutely not! I'm too private and reclusive for that. However, this WILL be a place where I will occasionally write my thoughts and epiphanies every once in a while. If no one sees or cares, fine. If they do, I hope you enjoy. Until next time, I ask and covet your prayers that the Lord truly guides me to where He wants me to be.

Stay active and enjoy life. You only get one!

Finally At Peace

On Friday June 26, 2009 at 3:10 AM, our heavenly father saw fit that the angel on loan to this earth had completed his work and called him home. Brandon suffered from a disease called Refractory CIDP. Evidently, it's a virus that causes the autoimmune system to attack the body. I certainly don't understand it, but I've seen first hand the destruction and debilitation that it causes the body. It's not for the faint of heart.

In Brandon's passing, I felt compelled to write something about how he affected me as a person and as a follower of Christ. You see, I wasn't a close friend to Brandon, I'm not a family member, I wasn't his teacher or any of that. I'm just a regular guy that is an example of the profound Godly effect that Brandon had on so many. Brandon taught me about my self. He helped me to have the ability to see some of the wrongs in my life from seeing the way he positively approached the adversity in his own. Brandon, and his approach to life, had a way of shining a light on things that are trivial in ones life and showing that they are just that - trivial. The hurdles that he had to cross at such a young age were far greater than any that I can imagine in my own life. And Brandon seemed to approach them with a fervor and drive that would rival anyone, and all the while having a good attitude and praising God along the way.

The little time that I was privileged to be with Brandon, and from talking with his family, never once did he ever ask, "why me?" Would I have been that strong given that circumstance? Would I have that much of a Godly mentality as my strength and limbs fail me? Or, did our merciful Lord give Brandon some extra insight that He doesn't bestow on we "normal" people? I believe that God gave something special to my friend Brandon. I choose to believe that in those dark painful drug induced nights, the Lord was speaking directly to Brandon, comforting Brandon, and getting Brandon ready to truly go home. Brandon had a special pipeline directly to our savior. That's where I believe he received his strength, courage, and commitment. He never seemed afraid. He never seemed bitter, and he never seemed to question his faith nor where he was going.

You see, I learned a lot from Brandon Klein. I learned that, at any time, we can be entertaining angels. Brandon was an angel and I've learned that his role in God's kingdom must be an important one. It was more important for God to have Brandon back, than for him to stay here on this earth. Brandon must be helping the Lord ready His kingdom to bring the rest of us home and for that, I'm a bit envious. Brandon also taught me about strength, courage, and being steadfast in my faith. God used Brandon as a vessel to speak to and reach many people. His life, his memory, his testimony and his legacy will forever live on in the many he has so richly effected.

Thank you Lord for the gift that you gave to his family and the many that you touched through the life of Brandon Klein. Through Brandon's temporary suffering, we saw your glory and honor. Through his adversity, we saw your grace and mercy. Through his life, we caught a glimpse of You. Thank you for allowing Brandon to be at peace. Please bless his family and wash your spirit of peace over them as they grieve. Bring them closer to you.

Rest in peace Brandon. From a friend, and one you so deeply affected,

Todd Collins

A Holy Place

Today was perhaps one of the most eye-opening days that I've had in my 41 years visiting this earth. Honestly, lately I've been struggling with many things in my life. Where do I go from here? Am I washed up professionally? Will I spend the rest of my life alone and pushing people away from me that love me? Will I continue to be the most selfish individual I know? When will I get some breaks come my way? You see, all of these questions have been lingering in my mind for quite some time and have started to have the trickle down effect. By that I mean, it has negatively effected my personal relationships, my finances, my business, my health, etc. Almost every aspect of my life has been correlated to these "life" questions. I've been making my silent inner fear and self pity a matter of prayer in fact. Well today my prayers and questions were divinely answered.

Late this afternoon I went down to Vanderbilt Childrens Hospital to see the son of a member of the church that I attend. He has some kind of auto-immune disease that is far beyond my understanding than what my small mind can comprehend. At any rate, I knew going in that this would not be a walk in the park. It was going to be tough emotionally! Therefore, I tried to put on my competitive "game-face" (whatever that is) and go in there a strong man. Even knowing it was going to be tough, I still was ill prepared. Having never seen something to this magnitude before and trying to be mentally prepared for what was coming, I walked into that hospital room and was still blown away at the severity and human cruelness that sometimes life can dole out. I was humbled beyond words or description. This young man, Brandon, who is daily staring in the face of death, proved to be one of the most amazing, strong, brave, yet humble young men I've ever come in contact with. He was a normal 21 year old kid who loves music, girls, movies, sports, and even loves the Lord. We cracked jokes, we talked about music, we talked about girls, we even talked about the future! That was the most amazing thing to me. Brandon is strong, perceptive, smart, and grateful. Grateful? Yes, grateful! This is something that struck me as something I would probably never be - given this situation. You see, I went in that room wanting to be a light and a help to someone and a family that could use all the help they can get, yet I walked out of that room a completely different man. I received from Brandon and his family much more than I could've ever given. They showed me what leaning on Christ and His strength is truly about. They are people that I will not soon forget.

I say all of that to come back to those "life" questions that I've been in self pity about. How did God speak to me? Well, He revealed to me that all of those issues that I have buried deep within are all selfish "me" issues and all rooted in fear. Notice that all of those issues start with the word "my". They're not about someone else or putting someone else first. It's about ME! The Lord revealed to me, "There but for the grace of God go I". What if I were laying in that bed staring death in the face on a daily basis? Would I give God glory and be okay with whatever His will would be? Or, what if I were his father who had to fill out a living will at his son's bedside! Would I be okay with that? Would I still love my God in the midst of the lowest of low like Brandon does? This life is NOT about me as much as our society says it is. This life is supposed to be about putting yourself aside and putting others first . . . no matter what! That's living as Christ would have us live. That's how Jesus lived! I can now ashamedly say I've never been that way. However, my eyes were drastically opened to many things about my self this afternoon. I want to do some good for others. I want to do things with a pure heart, a pure motive, and with nothing expected in return. I want to be like Brandon! That's Christ-like.

Lastly, I was so amazingly moved by one other thing. Just before I left that hospital room that was filled with every imaginable machine hooked to his weak body, I touched Brandon's arm. I said to him, "Brandon, you are an amazing guy! Keep fighting!" As I touched his arm, I felt something shoot through my body that I can't describe. I don't know what it was. He just felt different. I don't know if it was the Holy Spirit or what, but he felt special. He was warm and soft and it felt almost electric. I then got over come with emotion and couldn't speak. I hugged his mom and just looked at her without anything coming from my mouth. My emotion swept over me like a crashing wave. I felt unworthy to be in that room. It was a Holy place. A place that undoubtedly the Holy Spirit dwelled and He spoke to me in a very real way today.

Therefore, this entry will be my last. The short time that I spend on this blog, I feel, can be better used in other areas toward helping other people. I don't know what that's going to look like, but I want to go where God is already at work and can use a broken and selfish man like myself.

Please pray that God performs a miracle in the life of Brandon and his family. If I've ever seen an area where a miracle is needed, it's there. They need as many believers lifting him up as feasibly possible. If Brandon passes on to be with the Lord, God has used him to make a short but huge impact on a guy like me. Bless you Brandon, and thank you Lord.

A Rare Freestyle

This post is something that I wanted to post just for a bit of fun. KJ52 is a long time working partner and friend. During GMA week (Gospel Music Association), he dropped by my house during some downtime to just hang out and do some catching up. We had a good time and he was kind and fun enough to do a freestyle off the top of his head for my twin girls after they asked him to kick one.

KJ is a good sport and this is part of why he's made such a great career out of what he does. Everyone likes him and he seems to have time for everyone. It's been great to see his career thrive and flourish. He's a very talented guy and what he does on this video is certainly very hard to do off the top of your head. It takes tons of talent and practice - which is something that he stays sharp on.

Enjoy!

On a workout note, my swim session last night consisted of the below:

20 Minute Warm Up
20 x 25 :30, :40, :50
pull with band no buoy!
1-10 no paddles
11-20 pull with paddles if have them
8 x 75 1:30, 1:45, 2:00 Be sure to get enough rest after each 75
25 slow long strokes
25 fast short strokes
25 fast and long
Six Times::
100 FAST
100-200 Easy
7:00
Pull w/ buoy 10 x 50 10RI

Working Out With Taylor

Today was enjoyable in that I was able to go on a nice easy run with my daughter Taylor. She's on the high school track team, so she's already familiar with running and is in pretty good running shape. We had a nice time running and talking together and best of all, I was more impressed with her running ability than previous. I new she was pretty good, but I didn't really know how good. Well, I can certainly tell that she genuinely loves running and the feeling it gives you.

We ran for about 40 minutes and later that afternoon she even went to her high school track practice and ran some more. After her practice, I picked her up and took her with me to the swim complex where I had tri swim practice. There, she decided to run some more! I was a bit taken aback to say the least. If she stays on a path like this, she'll be the world's most fit teenager! I've been proud of how she's taken to eating more healthy and trying to get in some daily exercise.

As for me, I went ahead and did the full swim practice with foot cramps and all! It's an area of frustration for me. I'm sure it has something to do with hydration or nutrition or something. Anyway, I press on.

Today I felt truly blessed to have gotten to spend some valuable time with my little girl and continue to teach her something that will stay with her for the rest of her life. Health is one of the true gifts that God bestows upon us to be good stewards of.

Good luck to all who are running in the Country Music Marathon this weekend. Hopefully, I'll be able to join you next year.

Plans That Change

It's Sunday afternoon as I write this and I'm laid up on my couch on a rainy day watching NBA playoff basketball. This however, is not by choice. I woke up this morning and went to my church's early service then came home with the intent to get ready to go to swim practice. It didn't work out that way. You see, my body has really been trying to contract a nice head cold and I've been really trying to stave it off. Today was the day that my will succumbed to my body and I got fully sick. It's depressing because I haven't been sick in a few years now and I really wanted to get some swimming in this afternoon but I just don't feel up to it.

I also had intended to take all 3 of my girls downtown to the kick off of GMA week and go to the PB and J party where there would be tons of bands playing. However, that didn't happen either and I'm bummed about that as well.

This is not a good time to be getting sick as I've got tons to do this week that is very work related. I've got to shake this cold, get rid of this congestion, get back to training, and continue working. There's no time for sickness!

Friday GMA Bike Day

After a crappy day yesterday on the track, I needed a nice bike day with perfect weather. This weekend and the coming week is going to be crazy with GMA week on the horizon. This is always the week where the Christian music industry congregates to "show their wares." It usually pretty brutal with all the posing and the schedules. It's always pretty ridiculous. Anyway, it was great to get to get in a nice relaxing ride before all of the craziness begins. The reindeer games, for me, begin tomorrow with a speaking engagement in Nashville. We'll see how it goes. In the meantime, here are the stats for today's ride.


Date: 04/17/2009
Time Taken: 01:09:25
Total Distance: 21.50 mi.
Burned: 1,120 (kcal)
Workout Weight: 190.0 lbs.
Effort: Hard
Quality: Good
Pace: 03:13 (avg)
Speed: 18.58 (mi/hr) (avg)

The picture to the right is of the appropriately named Heaven's Pass. This is my favorite part of any of the rides that I go on. It's beautiful at any time of the year but especially in the spring and summer. I have a spiritual experience every time I go through this area. It's amazing!

Frustration Again!

Today is Thursday and it's the day that I normally meet my triathlon coach for my weekly morning workout. Currently, Coach Baker has a bum wheel. He has a broken toe and has been unable to do "normal" workouts for him. Therefore, he gets to actually stand on the sidelines and coach rather than coach AND participate. I figured this would be a good thing this morning in that the workout would be especially intense because he would have my under a microscope. It was definitely headed in that direction until I had the old "pain in the calf" problem again. I got through a nice warm-up followed by some pretty good drills to get loose and get the blood flowing. After the drills, he had me do some striders which were basically 40 yard sprints at about 80% intensity. I like those because I feel like I'm best suited for those types of bursts of energy over the endurance stuff. Once those were done (which I liked a lot), we moved into the beginning part of the serious workout. He had planned to do, what he called a 4-3-3-2-1. More on the specifics of that at the end. Meanwhile, I started with a timed mile at what he considered my 5k pace. In a nutshell, I ran the mile in 7:00. I felt good and Coach said I was pacing about a 1:45 per lap pace for a 5k. I was happy with that and didn't feel too bad. I felt like I could keep going. Anyway, we moved on to the next portion which consisted of a 3/4 mile (3 laps) at a slightly faster pace. He wanted me to go about a 1:40 per lap pace for 3 laps. That's when the wheels fell off! On the back straight away of the first of the first of the 3 laps, I had that sharp pain that occasionally get in my calves. This time it was in my right calf rather than the left. It's so frustrating because I was really starting to fall into a groove. Richard had me stop, we talked about some things health-wise, and he told me we were going to do some tweaking to my run program to try and fix the calf situation. Basically instead of trying to mix in some hard fast and intense runs, we going to strictly focus on slow endurance building timed runs. That suits me fine if I can ultimately run long distances without any pain. Besides, isn't that the objective anyway? I'm in this to build endurance anyway - which is slowly coming along (and I mean slowly)!

The workout that Richard had planned consisted of:

800 meter warm-up
Various drills (2 each) - high knees, butt kicks, kareokes, skips, defensive slides
4 - 40 yard strides (80% sprints)
400 meter slow jog
1 mile - 5k pace
3/4 mile (3 laps) - a little faster than 5k pace
3/4 mile - same as above
800 meters - slightly faster than 3/4 mile pace
400 meters - slow
Warm down & stretch

Obviously, I didn't make it through the entire workout which really frustrates me. I can't figure out if it's a hydration issue, or a fatigue issue due to last night's swim workout, or if it's just a physical physique issue. I'm getting to the point where I want to go have it checked with a sports specialist. Hopefully soon. We'll see.

An Interruption

Last night was one of those sleepless nights again. I laid in bed staring at the ceiling as I prayed, thought, contemplated, worried, pondered, etc. I had my alarm set for 5:45 to wake up to go to the sunrise service on Easter morning for church. I finally dozed off at about 5:00 am and woke up some 45 minutes later. Frustrated that I couldn't sleep, I got ready to go to church to have service outside by the river. It was a beautiful morning and by the sweet sounds of the birds singing, I knew it was going to be a beautiful day in which I couldn't stay frustrated for too long.

I got to church, walked down to the river where there were hundreds of people already gathered, and decided to stand in the back like my good Southern Baptist upbringing. After the worship music, Pastor Steve started into his message on Godly interruptions and how they're good for us. He made the analogy that our lives are constantly interrupted by society but that most of the time it's a frustration and sometimes a set back that we learn to live with. Not 5 minutes into his message, two geese flew low over the tree tops calling out their bird calls. Trust me, it was loud. So loud in fact that Steve had to stop talking all together to wait for them to pass as he physically watched them pass over head. It was as if it were right on cue as he talked about allowing God to interrupt our lives for His glory.

I can't speak for anyone else there, but that to me was an incredibly powerful moment. It was as if the Lord made a grand entrance in a beautiful way to say, "I want to be close to you. I want your life to be interrupted so that we can have a closer relationship."

I didn't hear too much after that moment because I was so moved by what I feel was the Lord speaking to me and saying, "I know you're uncomfortable right now. I know things are difficult in your life right now, but rest in me. Have faith and know that though your life is being interrupted, you are growing closer to me and I love you for that." It was a moment in my life that I'll not soon forget. So in this case, my interruption will end up being a wonderful one.

Oh, and did I mention? Pastor Steve stated that the Celtic symbol for the Holy Spirit is the goose. Pretty amazing how the Holy Spirit can move and communicate. Praise the Lord! For today, He is risen!

The Saturday Before Easter

Okay I'll admit, I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. I'm having one of those weekends that I'm feeling depressed and quite stressed. The details aren't exactly that important but it's something that's somewhat of a life hurdle in a few ways. Yes, I know the Lord has a greater plan in all of this and I DO trust and have faith that He will make a way. I know that! However, in my infinite humanity, it's still something of a struggle today - and that's what I have to get through. Today, and today only. So because of my struggle for today and yesterday, and because I had a lot of alone time, I decided to do what I know levels me out the most - train. I decided to go to the pool and get in a short 45 minute but intense swim workout. It was good and I needed it. I ended up going about 2200 yards and felt invigorated afterward. The workout consisted of:

200 yd. light warm up
500 yd. swim @ 10:30
500 yd. kick/drill/swim with fins
500 yd. pull with pull bouy
6 - 50's on 1:00
200 yd. easy warm down

The Lord is a gracious and merciful God. In Him I choose to put my trust. He is risen and He is Lord! Happy Easter.