Perfect Timing

Today, it is snowing AGAIN! School is out today and people around here seem to freak out when there's some snow flurries in the air. It's truly ridiculous. I hate the snow and cold weather. I'm a Florida boy through and through! However, with the snow and cold weather comes a certain tranquility and peace that forces me to kind of stop and reflect on what's going on in my life. In the past few years, things have been chaotic to say the least. I have been more uncertain and uneasy about my life and the future than I've ever been. I've had to come to the conclusion of either being my own man and turning from God, or completely submit to Him and leave behind my selfish ways and actions that have hurt so many in past years. I decided years ago to completely submit to Christ for the rest of my days. With this decision being made, things have certainly not been easy. In fact, the Lord says that the life of a Christ-follower won't be easy. But then, Jesus' life wasn't easy either. I believe this is God's way of truly seeing if I'm willing to put my full faith and trust in Him. I'll be honest - it's hard some days. It's tough believing that God is in ultimate control of His children and that we must have total faith in Him and His perfect timing. That's a hard thing for me to grasp hold of in the midst of turmoil, unsettledness, and uncertainty. I'm pathetically flawed and human!

I will say this though. The Lord has brought me through some amazing things. Things I never thought I would have the strength to endure, yet I did. He has aligned me with some people that I never thought could love and support me the way that they have, yet I'm still around. This, to me, is the Lord's way of saying, "Trust in me and my timing and I will show you that you can count on me along the way." These people that He's allowed me to come in contact with have been little nuggets of peace to get me to His ultimate destination - whatever that may be.

Currently, I'm in job-hunting mode and looking for just about anything I can find. I'm also waiting to hear back from a job that I desperately want and could do extremely well. It seems as though it's all been divinely lined up, but then I've also been in waiting for over 3 weeks! Is this God's way of testing my faith in Him and in His timing? Or is this me wanting this position so bad that I am concocting this all in my head? Whatever the case, the bottom line is I must have 100% faith in the Lord and know that His timing is seldom early, never late, but always perfect. I'm getting there. Slowly but surely.

My twitter update this morning said this: "What you focus on is what you will see. Expect God's goodness." That's easy to read and write, but harder to truly let sink in. I'm getting it!

My urgent prayer has been to finally settle in and have some stability in my life. For myself, for my friends and support group, but mostly for my children. I'm ready to fall into a "life groove" so I can live out my life with peace and be able to make a difference for His kingdom. I'm also ready to get back to a normal routine of training. I greatly miss the consistency!

Up and Down

Today I'm posting an excerpt from my brother, Troy's blog. Honestly, I don't have much to say and I certainly can't do better than this! Troy is my family, my rock, my Godly wisdom, my confidant, and the person I feel God placed on this earth to watch over me so I don't destroy myself. The older I get, the more I realize this and am grateful. How can someone take on the burden of someone else yet knowingly not be able to do anything to help other than pray? Now that, to me, is Christ-like! I love my brother. Always have and forever will.

This week started out in the ditch. You see, here's the thing, I've been sharing a burden with my brother about his job. That's been an emotional push this whole week and there have been ups and downs. In fact the job was supposed to have been filled (one way or the other) on Monday. Long story, but that's STILL yet to be determined, but I'm likening this process to a marathon race. At first you're up to the challenge, then after a while you get very weary of it, and then finally (I'm here at this step), you just keep going forward and are completely numb. Is it wrong to care so much about something you have no control over? Is it wrong to care so much for someone that you love and only want to see catch just ONE break this decade? I can pontificate all day about rights, fairness, and justice, but above all else, there is that underlying quiet element that trumps 'em all - God's sovereignty. God has a plan for my brother to succeed, prosper, and be at peace. All of this pinned up anxiety and stress means something, but WHAT!?! We'll know when we're supposed to, so until then, I pray. I've done better this week in letting it go fully. Monday and Tuesday were a wreck. Wednesday was better and family and their love played a HUGE part in that.

Mid-Life Crisis?

During a 47 minute hammerfest that included 4 minutes of Tabata Intervals on a stationary bike, I started thinking - deeply thinking (which I often do during these times of suffering). I thought; here I sit in a gym full of middle-aged to elderly women and men and I realized that I'm now one of them! When did I transition and cross over into being a middle-aged guy trying to hang on to good health? What happened to the twenty-something kid that used to play college basketball and not have a care in the world? I don't remember my mind ever transitioning into middle-agedom, but my body certainly has! In fact, I still think of myself as being in my late twenty's - probably to a fault.

That got me thinking even more. Here I sit on a stationary bike at 9:00 am on a Tuesday - sweating, jobless, sleeping on a friend's couch, children in another state, wondering and praying about what's around the corner. I realized that this is not what I had planned for my life at 43 years old! This was not the blueprint I had laid out to follow. My focus had gone from being a professional in an industry that I loved and grew up with, to figuring out how to survive and re-invent myself - at age 43! This was not the plan I had sketched out! Then it dawned on me! I'm not alone in this! Maybe this is the epitome of what people refer to as a mid-life crisis. Maybe that's the very definition! Could it be that millions of men have these goals and plans in the backs of their mind and it inevitably never quite comes to fruition the way they planned it? That's certainly me. Perhaps I've found the key to what a midlife crisis is! Self realization that life throws you pitches that you just can't hit. Maybe once we've realized this and accepted it for what it is, we can move on and truly fall into what it is that we are. Not necessarily a re-invention at middle life, but a divine intervention in succumbing to what we are truly meant to be!

Psalm 138