Perfect Timing

Today, it is snowing AGAIN! School is out today and people around here seem to freak out when there's some snow flurries in the air. It's truly ridiculous. I hate the snow and cold weather. I'm a Florida boy through and through! However, with the snow and cold weather comes a certain tranquility and peace that forces me to kind of stop and reflect on what's going on in my life. In the past few years, things have been chaotic to say the least. I have been more uncertain and uneasy about my life and the future than I've ever been. I've had to come to the conclusion of either being my own man and turning from God, or completely submit to Him and leave behind my selfish ways and actions that have hurt so many in past years. I decided years ago to completely submit to Christ for the rest of my days. With this decision being made, things have certainly not been easy. In fact, the Lord says that the life of a Christ-follower won't be easy. But then, Jesus' life wasn't easy either. I believe this is God's way of truly seeing if I'm willing to put my full faith and trust in Him. I'll be honest - it's hard some days. It's tough believing that God is in ultimate control of His children and that we must have total faith in Him and His perfect timing. That's a hard thing for me to grasp hold of in the midst of turmoil, unsettledness, and uncertainty. I'm pathetically flawed and human!

I will say this though. The Lord has brought me through some amazing things. Things I never thought I would have the strength to endure, yet I did. He has aligned me with some people that I never thought could love and support me the way that they have, yet I'm still around. This, to me, is the Lord's way of saying, "Trust in me and my timing and I will show you that you can count on me along the way." These people that He's allowed me to come in contact with have been little nuggets of peace to get me to His ultimate destination - whatever that may be.

Currently, I'm in job-hunting mode and looking for just about anything I can find. I'm also waiting to hear back from a job that I desperately want and could do extremely well. It seems as though it's all been divinely lined up, but then I've also been in waiting for over 3 weeks! Is this God's way of testing my faith in Him and in His timing? Or is this me wanting this position so bad that I am concocting this all in my head? Whatever the case, the bottom line is I must have 100% faith in the Lord and know that His timing is seldom early, never late, but always perfect. I'm getting there. Slowly but surely.

My twitter update this morning said this: "What you focus on is what you will see. Expect God's goodness." That's easy to read and write, but harder to truly let sink in. I'm getting it!

My urgent prayer has been to finally settle in and have some stability in my life. For myself, for my friends and support group, but mostly for my children. I'm ready to fall into a "life groove" so I can live out my life with peace and be able to make a difference for His kingdom. I'm also ready to get back to a normal routine of training. I greatly miss the consistency!

The Presidental Address

Today was one of those days that wasn't exactly a good day and with no particular reason. It was just a day that loomed a bit darkly. As I sit here in my home, alone with my thoughts, I watch the Presidential address to congress on television and all I can think about is this: Whether you agree with our newly elected President or not, I find myself not really being concerned with the serious crisis that our country is in. I find that I have a certain peace about my personal situation. A peace that has been afforded me by my Lord and Savior. I feel that my God is bigger than any depression or national deficit. He's also personal enough to look out for my individual well-being and one that knows the future that He holds for me in His hands.

Yes, I've been through some major struggles and yes, I still have a way to go. However, I have hope. Hope in my future and hope for tomorrow. Have I suffered? YES! But God has allowed these trials to sharpen me and to make me a better man, father, and spiritual leader to my children. I've learned that every human will experience a certain amount of suffering in their lifetime, and I've certainly experienced my fair share to this point. For that, I'm thankful because this has obviously been in the Lord's plan for me and I accept that. I've realized that it's not IF suffering will happen, but how we navigate waters of suffering victoriously. It's inevitable.

God knows the greater outcome, which is why He allows the painful present.

What does all of this have to do with triathlon and training? Here's the bottom line for me. There's a certain connection between the physical suffering that goes along with training and the suffering that is inevitable that goes along with life. I've learned to embrace both and praise the Lord for it.

Now practically, this morning was a nice 4.5 mile run for about 38 minutes this morning before work in the cold weather. I'm truly ready for the chill in the air to be overtaken by the warmer spring weather. I'm ready to really push myself with my new coach to see how far I can take myself, better myself physically and mentally, and continue down the road to redemption.

Frustration Has Set In!

Yes, frustration has set in and I'm just in a bad place for a number of reasons. This Christmas has managed to be a truly crappy one for a number of personal reasons. Despite how much I try and make the best out of a situation, my faith and patience continue to be tested and it's really wearing on me. Must be a sign from the Lord for me to slow down and focus more on Him.

I'm going to stop right there before I go into more details. It's just not necessary.

The run today was good. A bit slow, but needed nonetheless. It was a great stress reliever and the weather was actually pretty good. The humidity was high which probably accounted for the slowness, but it was good to be out there and working on getting my running legs.

A Warm Friday

Today was a tough running day due to the wind. However, I'm grateful that I was even able to run at all. This Tennessee weather is absolutely crazy! This morning was rainy and cold and later today at lunch time, it's mid 60's! That's when I decided to hurry up, get my running gear on, and knock out a lunch time run. I'm definitely not in running shape. . . yet. But I will be, and I'm anxious to get back to the regular training routine with good weather.

My run time was a 34:39 over 4 miles. Definitely room for improvement!

This past week has been a refining process for me. I've been learning to TRULY have faith in the Lord and cast my cares to Him and know that He will provide for my every need. In my gross and selfish humanity, that's a hard concept to grasp. However, I'm getting there and the Lord is showing me new things daily.

This was a verse I came across this week in my daily devotion. Another small confirmation that the Lord has me in His loving hands.

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
Psalms 55:22

Spotting the Unicorn

First, I want to start by getting the business out of the way. Big E is now gone and the creative weekend is over (and what a weekend it was!). I'm now back to my regular training routine and am really ratcheting that down these last 4 weeks. I'm shooting for being in the best shape of my life! Shouldn't be a problem.

Now for a rare moment of transparency (which is truly rare). I'm posting this at a time when I currently haven't done my training for the day due to the "unusualness" of the day's schedule. It's Tuesday and I've just dropped off Big E at the airport. Normally, that's not a big deal because we've been best friends for almost 9 years now. However in all the times that we've been together throughout the country, this time was different. God opened my eyes to something that I've been closed to for far too long and that is the physical view of what true friendships and relationships are all about. This weekend was that eye-opener for me. You see, E came into town to work on some specific things that pertain to music and we had a clear vision and direction of what we wanted to accomplish - and we did that. But E was here for more than just music. Unknowingly, E came here for me because he's selfless and truly loves me for who he knows Todd to be. It really hit me today that Big E needed me to know, in all of our macho athletic bravado, that he's here with me and for me and just wanted to love on me through a very difficult situation. That means far more to me than any hit song, any cool athletic event, or any Nike hookup! That is the fruit and manifestation of what it means to love someone and to truly be their friend.

I sit here a broken and humbled man, but a very blessed man as well. I've been through some tough times, but it's through these times that God has really revealed himself to a hard headed self-centered idiot such as myself. The Lord has allowed me some trying times but it's through these times that He's purposefully put people in my life that normally may not have been there to reveal more of His glory. I'm lucky to have men in my life that I know will be there and stand in the gap for me. Particularly guys like Big E and, most of all, my brother. It's through these two and other close personal relationships that God shows me that I can make it and I'll be a better man on the other side of this. It's through these people that He speaks to me. For that, I'm a blessed man in so many ways.

Now back to training.